Don't Be Shy
IU prof helps shy people boost their social lives and careers.

by Steve Kaelble

(June 2002) - It’s not just a matter of being a wallflower at the eighth-grade dance. Shyness can follow a person into adulthood and become not only a social barrier but a handicap in the workplace.

So says Bernardo Carducci, a psychology professor at Indiana University Southeast in New Albany and the head of IU’s Shyness Research Institute. The good news is that shyness can be managed, and that some of the world’s richest and most successful people–including Microsoft cofounder Paul Allen–are among the ranks of the shy, Carducci says.

"When we look at what people say about the pains and problems of shyness, the second-most-frequent concern is professional," Carducci says. "They talk about interpersonal problems, self-confidence, speaking up in meetings. They talk about difficulties trying to make contact with people, networking with people, going to business social events. These things make it difficult for people to connect with others, and we know you don’t succeed on your own."

It’s a wonder that the business world is not paralyzed by shyness, given the fact that between 40 and 45 percent of all people consider themselves to be shy. Yet for shy people, such statistics are actually good news, says Carducci. "That bit of information is one of the most empowering pieces of information we give to shy people. It tells them they’re not alone."

Carducci has a wealth of advice to help shy people succeed in the workplace and in social settings. He’s written two books, The Pocket Guide to Making Successful Small Talk and Shyness: A Bold New Approach. He’s also shared his thoughts in more than 100 publications, including The New York Times, and has appeared on Good Morning America and Inside Edition.

Shy people tend to be excessively self-conscious, Carducci says, and they have an excessively negative evaluation of themselves. "It’s like they’re walking around with this mirror in front of them all day long," he says.

"Shy people become so self-conscious that they shut themselves down," he says. "They don’t speak up in meetings." And that can give others–coworkers, bosses, clients–the often-mistaken idea that the shy person has no good ideas to share.

Shyness may manifest itself in an "approach/avoidance conflict." This refers to what happens when a person wants or needs to approach another–for friendly conversation or for a work matter, for example–but has self-doubts that make him or her want to avoid the situation. Other shy people, he says, demonstrate a "slow-to-warm-up tendency," a difficulty in becoming comfortable at a meeting or other new situation. Shy people also suffer from a "limited comfort zone," Carducci says. "Shy people tend to feel comfortable in only a limited number of situations."

For those slow to warm up to such settings as business meetings, Carducci has some simple advice. "If you need more time to warm up, rather than come to a meeting on time get to that meeting 10 to 15 minutes early so you can meet people as they come in," he says. That’s just the opposite of what many shy people do to cope: Show up late so they can slip in and not have to engage in small talk.

While at the meeting, shy people should remember the statistics that indicate as many as 45 percent of people are shy. Carducci says that knowledge can give shy people the guts to participate in the discussion. "Chances are that half of the other people in the room are in the same position you are," he points out. "They will admire you for speaking up. These people are relieved that you’re speaking up."

Shy people often have difficulty talking to the boss. "If that’s the case, plan ahead," Carducci recommends. "Make an appointment to speak with the person and practice what you’re going to say ahead of time. You prepare them for what you are going to say and also put yourself into a more predictable mode."

For those uncomfortable business social functions, shy people should think in advance of what they might say to the strangers there. "Conversation is not random," he points out. "Have something to say. Read the newspaper or a magazine or go to a news Internet source to know what the topics of the day are."

Carducci warns against becoming a "liquid extravert," using alcohol to ease inhibitions as many shy people do. "Alcohol is a depressant and it reduces your ability to process information efficiently and creatively. It limits your ability to make successful conversation."

In general, Carducci says shy people in the workplace and elsewhere should constantly strive to expand their comfort zones, engaging in "quick talk," greeting people in the hallways with harmless comments and starting brief conversations. "Other people will see that you’re the kind of person who can talk to a variety of people, and that makes you more approachable," he says.

"It’s all about controlling your shyness and not letting your shyness control you," Carducci says. "It doesn’t require you to change who you are, but the way you think."

CORRECTION
In the "Northern Indiana Update" story in the May issue, it was incorrectly stated that Sun Metal Products had closed its Warsaw operation. The company is based in Warsaw, where it employs more than 55 people making wheel and rim products, including bicycle rims and wheels.

"We own a facility in North Manchester, Indiana, and had planned to move to that facility, but decided to stay in our location at North Detroit Street in Warsaw," reports company president Robert Piecuch. "Even if we had moved, Sun would still be producing rims, just in a different location in Indiana."

Sun, which also manufactures in China, is a thriving company in a competitive market, according to Piecuch. "We are not planning to nor have we closed our plant in Warsaw."